Me and Hope are still in bed after a rather sleepless night. I don't seem to be able to muster the energy to get up and face another day. All seems pretty pointless
Somewhere on Hope's blog there's a sticky that says 'everything happens for a reason...' think I'll remove that. How can there be a reason?
Was it not bad enough that I had a baby boy who died?
And of all the days in the year, he died on Christmas day!
Was that not bad enough?
Then to concieve, and dream of Hope
And them find problems with her brain.
I thought ventriculomegaly and cerebellar hypoplasia were pretty bad.
We were told she may never walk or talk already.
So the eplilespsy...
Well I thought it couldn't get any worse
What did I do to deserve this?
Why my babies?
Dr CH did tell me not to go looking it up. Not until we know more. But I'm not the kind of person that can wait. My motto is 'knowledge is power'. But actually that's crap! I am powerless. I can only be there to love her and witness what I fear most.
I hope so much they are wrong.
And my poor big babies. Poor dolly and moo. They've had so much sadness already. How do I tell them? Do I tell them? No is the answer. I will protect them for as long as possible.
So, I put on that brave face and carry on. Wear the familar mask. Smile. Laugh.
1 week ago