We live 5 minutes away from Sam's garden (the cemetary). We visit often. We
NEVER drive past without popping in. But today, I said to Chris I couldn't go there.
I am afraid I will just break down at Sam's . You see, it's a family plot. So there's room. But it was meant to be for me and Chris a long time in the future. Not Hope!
I don't want to have to have pink writing added to the pale blue. To have to make room for more toys :0( I really don't have the strength.
I know noone imagines they would. But Before, well I guess I didn't give it much thought. I never really believed Sam would die (though equally, I also never imagined Sam coming home). Last time, we kinda just got through.
But now, I know
And I know I can't do it again
I love you Hope
I need you
I promise to always look after you
I'll spend the rest of my life caring for you
I'll never resent doing that
Or wish my life was different
Just don't ever leave Mummy
Please Princess Plonkey Pie
Ugh. Bad day.
4 days ago