Sunday, 30 August 2009

Sorry Sammy :0(

We live 5 minutes away from Sam's garden (the cemetary). We visit often. We
NEVER drive past without popping in. But today, I said to Chris I couldn't go there.

I am afraid I will just break down at Sam's . You see, it's a family plot. So there's room. But it was meant to be for me and Chris a long time in the future. Not Hope!

I don't want to have to have pink writing added to the pale blue. To have to make room for more toys :0( I really don't have the strength.

I know noone imagines they would. But Before, well I guess I didn't give it much thought. I never really believed Sam would die (though equally, I also never imagined Sam coming home). Last time, we kinda just got through.
But now, I know
And I know I can't do it again

I love you Hope
I need you
I promise to always look after you
Forever
I'll spend the rest of my life caring for you
I'll never resent doing that
Or wish my life was different
Just don't ever leave Mummy
Please Princess Plonkey Pie

8 comments:

  1. Caroline, sometimes u have 2 b cruel 2 b kind so please understand what i am saying to you. My (adopted) Mum n Dad lost a wee girl 2 cancer at the age of 5 and for long time they visited the grave every day, until it became an obsession and was destroying them, we can remember loved ones in so may diff ways, hope u will come to that stage soon. Hope and you are in my thoughts and prayers and i'm really praying for a miracle. Love to you all xx

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  2. Im sure Sam will understand your reasons for not stopping by.
    He`s with YOU always anyway not up at his garden. But untill you feel ready i will pop up to his garden a couple of times a week just to keep things tidy for you. XXX

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  3. I agree with mum babe, Sammy knows you wont ever forget him, you dont have to go to where his resting place is to remember....hes with you always. take easch day at a time. wish i could make it better. xx

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  4. My grandmother won't go to my moms grave anymore because she said she believes she isn't there only her body is. She believes her spirit is all around so she just sends flowers on her birthday to the site. Take each day a step at a time. My grandmother offered to give us her spot if something should happen to Jude. It's a horrible horrible thought, so I understand your feelings a little

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  5. I agree. Sammy is with you and his family, wherever you all are - not at the graveyard. He won't mind if you visit or not as he knows you are thinking about him so much and loving him always.
    Caroline I don't know what to say regarding Hope. What can I say? I love you all and you are in my thoughts. My church prayer group prays for her and you. I know you are not religious but it can't do any harm can it? Everyone is thinking of you and holding you close. I have been so sad and tearful these last few days thinking of you, Chris & all your children. Sending our love as always my friend. Rachel, David, James & Josh xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  6. Caroline, words truly cannot put across how much my heart goes out to you. ((Hugs)) please know I am here if you need anything. I know you have lots of people around you but if I can ever do anything just shout. I wish I could drive, there are so many times I wanted to come over and just hug you. ((Hugs)) Never far from my thoughts....love yo you, love to that special wee Hope and love to Chris and the kids too. xxxx

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  7. Checking on you. Let me know how you are. Hugs

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  8. Caroline,
    Thinking of you lots. I understand how you feel, I still visit Joel everyday but your friends are right, he is around you always and will understand,he knows he is loved so very much by you all.I wish I had the right words to say to you,prayers and lots of love being sent your way
    Love Debbiexxxxxx

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