I can't do it.
.. kiss 2 photos goodnight.
... Have 2 special stars in the sky.
...Kiss cold lips goodbye.
...Watch my dreams lowered into the ground
...Break Jordan and max's hearts again
...Watch them grieve
...Unable to fix them
I just can't
I know I said I'd not research/obsess anymore.
It's not good
There are 4 possibilities
None are great
2 are nasty.
Painful. Premature ....
1 I can rule out because of the ultrasound revealing normal kidneys and liver
There's one I guess I'd rather it be, but knowing our luck, it won't be.
And still, that one is not good
Far from it
To top it all, 2 of the 4 involve an auto recessive gene pattern
Which would mean I'm a carrier
All my kids would have 25% chance of having it
Or being carriers
What on earth did we do to deserve this?
This life stinks
Even Chris is walking slower
He knows we can't do this
I think this time, would be worse
If that's possible
I was so prepared to care and look after Hope. To dedicate the rest of my life to looking after her. Now I may not even get that honour
5 days ago